


It's all relative

by D_f_m22



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 03:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_f_m22/pseuds/D_f_m22
Summary: The Doctor likes Missy engaging with human culture.Sometimes, it encourages them to talk about things that have haunted them both.





	It's all relative

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite sad, I'm sorry. 
> 
> I've been having massive writer's block so trying to get back into it.

Despite all the prepared lessons and moral conversations, it was often the most inconsequential moments that had the biggest impact on Missy’s rehabilitation. 

That was what the Doctor found himself thinking as he watched the reforming Time Lady settle down for an evening in front of the telly- and human telly at that. At some stage over the decades, Missy had stopped sneering at the human dramas and soaps and begun to enjoy them, even seeming to learn a lesson from the storytelling. At times, it was like watching a child learning the moral of the story from a fairy tale they were told at bedtime. More often, however, it was a chance to help Missy relate to the species she had always looked down on. There were occasions that a human on the television would experience an emotion Missy had felt and suddenly she would see them as slightly more than just ‘snacks.’

It amazed the Doctor, that a species that’s civilisation was millennia younger than Gallifrey could create situations with which both him and Missy could relate. In her early years of confinement, the Doctor had censored Missy’s viewing habits. Any crime thrillers with a heavy body count were a big no, but he also limited her watching anything that might remind her about the Time War or the trauma she had experienced on Gallifrey. More recently, he’d realised letting her watch scenarios that reminded her of past events could be useful for starting conversations on some of the more difficult experiences from their past. 

“It’s a double bill tonight, Doctor” Missy called over her shoulder as she nodded in the direction of the television set. “Double the blood and death, no doubt” she added with a wink.

Tonight, they were set to watch a recording of Missy’s new-favourite medical show. She’d started out enjoying the show because of the blood and gore and a penchant for prodding him in the ribs every time a character was called ‘Doctor’ but had grown rather fond of the characters and the storylines over the years. So much so that she was now eagerly anticipating the anniversary special.   
The Doctor had read the synopsis to the episode in that week’s radio times (he kept a highlighted copy in his desk drawer, making sure he had all Missy’s viewing preferences scheduled efficiently), and he knew that there would be one storyline Missy might struggle with. He also knew he wanted to see if it would make her open up a bit more about the topic she was most secretive about. 

“I rather imagine there will be more blood and deaths,” the Doctor agreed as he rounded the sofa and joined Missy. “It makes good T.V. but it doesn’t make it good.”

Missy rolled her eyes and audibly groaned. 

“Not a lecture, please” she drawled. “I’d like to enjoy this in peace. Did you bring the popcorn?” 

The Doctor obliged, miming zipping his mouth closed as he reached into his back pocket and retrieved a bag of Saqwx pop-in-the-mouth popcorn. Missy beamed, pressing play and reclining back lazily against the Doctor as the opening credits began to play. 

XXXXXXXX

“Oh no,” Missy murmured. “That’s not good.”

Elbows rested upon her knees, the Time Lady was immersed in the unravelling drama playing out on the screen. The Doctor looked up and recognised the scene as being the one he had read about and the one that he was apprehensive and eager for Missy to see. He sat and watched silently as Missy leaned closer towards the screen and her mouth dropped open, face contorting in a mixture of emotions. The Doctor looked back at the screen and watched as a young woman doubled over in pain, cried and bled. 

“It’s not good,” he agreed solemnly. “Do you understand what’s happening to her?” 

He tried not to lead her with the question and not to be patronising, but she is in a pliant mood and had been all week. If Missy found the question condescending, she didn’t show it. Instead, she nodded quickly and never once drew her eyes away from the screen. 

“She’s losing her baby,” Missy whispered. “And it hurts her. Not just physically, it hurts her in every way.” 

The Doctor nodded and reached out to place a hand on Missy’s back, to offer comfort and encouragement. Missy flinched, moving away from his touch as her eyes remain glued on the screen. 

“Not now,” she sighed. “I want to watch my show.” 

XXXXXXXX

The show had ended about half an hour ago, yet Missy had remained silent. 

A silent Missy had always been unnerving, and the Doctor started to fear he had made a mistake with allowing her to watch this episode. Just when the Doctor worried he’d pushed Missy too far into a bad memory, the Time Lady stood and disappeared into her bedroom. When she returned she had changed into her pyjamas and was braiding her hair half-heartedly. The Doctor took it as his cue to leave and made for the Vault doors.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Missy” he said quietly. “We’ll go over ethics again if you like.” 

Missy shrugged out of instinct before shaking her head as she realised he was about to leave. 

The Doctor watched and tilted his head in confusion. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

Missy nodded and ran her hand down her middle, resting her palm on the soft expanse of her stomach. Running her thumb along the cotton material, she sighed and felt a pang of pain in her hearts followed by a hollowness that had followed her for centuries. 

The Doctor watched guiltily. He always tried to push her into things she wasn’t ready to talk about. 

“I’ll stay,” the Doctor promised. “I’ll stay until you kick me out.”

Missy nodded, eyes relaxing at his reassurance but still not breaking her silence. It felt like a heavy cloud had fallen over the Vault. Before the Doctor could say anything else, Missy turned around and disappeared into her bedroom once more. 

XXXXXXXXX

There are no clocks in the vault, but the Doctor knows that it is the early hours of the morning when Missy emerged from her bedroom once more. 

It’s evident she hadn’t slept but her pyjamas are creased from where she’d been tossing and turning. The Doctor’s eyes scanned down her arms, checking for any worrying signs and he is relieved the see an elastic band wrapped around her wrist. Evidently, the techniques they had discussed over the decades had worked somewhat. 

They stand, staring at each other for a few seconds in silence. Then, Missy speaks. 

“There wasn’t enough blood.” 

The Doctor must look confused because before too long, Missy is walking towards him and speaking again. 

“On the show, there was barely any blood and we didn’t even see the dead thing. When it was me, there was so much blood. It was everywhere and then the tiny thing got placed on my chest and they wouldn’t take it away.”

The Doctor sighed and nodded. They’d had to place the baby on Missy while she dispelled the psychic residue. It was a quirk of Gallifreyan biology and had haunted his friend in every body.

“Human and Gallifreyan biology is different,” the Doctor explained. “We needed to be sure all of the Time Tot had gone, Missy. You’re right though, there wasn’t enough blood. They can’t be too graphic on television.” 

Missy blinked and shook her head.

“There wasn’t enough blood,” she repeated. “There was so much blood on the tiles in the outhouse. I’d worn that red robe, but you could still see the blood. It was everywhere.” 

The Doctor stood and approached Missy, pulling her towards the table.

“There was a lot of blood. You lost more blood than you should have, you were close to regenerating.”

“I was,” Missy nodded. “Doctor, it was every where and it hurt. The ape on the T.V. didn’t do it properly. She didn’t look like she was in that much pain or like she was about to lose everything.”

“She was acting, Missy” the Doctor explained as he watched the Time Lady warily. Gently, he encouraged her to sit down next to him. “There are some things you can’t act.”

Missy nodded. 

“I’ve never been as scared as I was that day.”

“Me neither,” the Doctor admitted. “Do you want to talk to me about your baby, Missy?”

“Our baby, you mean?” Missy questioned. 

The Doctor looked at Missy sadly and reached for her hand. 

The way that Missy’s daughter had been conceived was a bad subject for the Time Lady and she’d always tried to re-imagine the Doctor as the baby’s father. It was a way to share the trauma and block out the memories, but the Doctor couldn’t let her do it to herself. 

“No, Missy” the Doctor said. “She was your baby. It was you that lost her and I’m so sorry you did.” 

Missy swallowed and looked away. 

“Oh,” she murmured. “It was during that time when bad things happened with that High Council official.” 

 

“Yes,” the Doctor nodded. “It was a very bad time and I’m sorry I didn’t know what was happening to you.”

Missy shrugged. 

“I was already bad by then anyway,” she sighed. “I did deserve it.”

“No, you didn’t,” the Doctor said without hesitation. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About which bit?” Missy asked.

“Any of it.”

“No,” Missy said, looking down thoughtfully. “I do, but I don’t. I don’t want to talk about that official or the day I bled but I do have a question.”

“What’s your question?”

“Am I still a mum?” Missy asked quickly. “Even if I don’t have my daughter.” 

“Yes,” the Doctor said instantly. “You’re a mum and you always will be.”


End file.
